From Dr. Leslie Becker-Phelps, Psychology Today Making Change blog, The First Step to Meeting Your Personal Goal:

Strategies for dealing with emotions: 1. suppress/deflect, 2. minimize/deny, or:

3. Another way people try to manage their distress is by working to solve their problems intellectually. This is great when they are faced with a problem they can solve. But it becomes a problem in itself when people repetitively review a problem that has no real or clear answer.

Or worse, in my experience, you come up with a clear answer which fails. You’re seduced by your own analysis.

Leslie’s recommendation:

There is evidence that you can strengthen your ability to manage affect, much like you can strengthen a muscle. To do this, practice sitting with our emotions. Spend time allowing emotions to rise within you and then subside, which they will naturally do. With practice, you can decide when to temporarily suppress emotions or sublimate them (channeling your feelings into a healthy activity). And, the better you become at managing your feelings, the better you will also be at following through with good plans for self-improvement.

My doctor, and some close friends, recommend mindfulness meditation. Be still, my beating heart. I achieve that at the yoga studio, it is harder, in a disciplined way, to bring it into my home. Maintain a daily practice. It is even harder with the thermostat set for 61–thankfully our winter has been mild so far.

In her follow-on post, in preparation for Thanksgiving, Leslie talks about gratitude the same way.

You might find it helpful to think of the feeling of gratitude as a muscle that gets stronger with use. To this end, below are two exercises that have been scientifically found to increase gratitude.

Gratitude journal: Keep a journal each night (for at least 2 months), listing at least 3 things that you were grateful for that day.

Gratitude letter and visit: Think of someone who has been a positive influence on you at anytime in your life, but who you have not thanked. Reminisce about how the person has made your life better, and then craft a letter to say thank you, being specific about what they did and how it affected you. Then set up a time to meet with the person without telling them why. When you sit down with them, read them the letter – slowly and with emotion. Give them a chance to react and respond. And, finally, take the opportunity to continue to reminisce together about what makes them so special to you.

Heavy lifting for me. I don’t know about you.

Reading self-help advice like this often churns my stomach–that emotion stuff–but I can’t argue that daily practices like meditation or focusing on what you are grateful for, would, if I could follow them, improve my outlook, strengthen relationships. If that’s what I wanted to happen. Do I want that?

And then Leslie’s next post, this one preparing for the holidays:

The best gift you can ever give those who love you is a healthy you.