Dr. Gail Giacalone spoke this morning on grief.  I’ve been seeing Gail for 3 1/2 years, but I learn new things each time I see her. I’ll start with the new for me.

Loss doesn’t just mean death. Divorce, loosing a job, a pet, one’s youth … all involve grief. A person will grieve the same way.

Parents should talk about death with their children.  Starting as early as ten weeks old.  There should be small things, in your everyday life, that can prompt the conversation.  A plant dies in the house.  A gold fish dies.  A pet dies.  Or more significantly … a parent gets sick.  Discuss this with your children.  Talk about life having a beginning and an end.

Pets grieve, too, for their lost owner.

Tears of grief have salt. Tears of joy/laughter have no salt. Listen to your body. Your body won’t lie.

Complicated grief:

• high, ambivalent feelings toward the deceased
• poor resolution of previous loss
• deep-rooted, unresolved business with deceased

Other topics which I’m very experienced with:

• everyone grieves their own way, in their own time (the DSM only allows the bereavement diagnostic code for 3 months)
• healthy ways of moving your grief through: walking, cleaning your closet, swimming, conversation, reading
• 7 stages of grief — but don’t consider this a sequence — shock, volatile emotions, disorientation, guilt, loneliness, relief, re-establishment
• grief, not dealt with, will surface somehow.  physical problems like rheumatoid arthritis, GI track inflammations, cancer … can happen.  Losses not properly grieved for may wait dormant, each new loss piled on top of another … only to be toppled over when kicked by a loss later in life